Unsyncing Your Lover
14th August, 2015

One of the offspring of that knowledge of good and evil from that fruit in the Garden of Eden has to be Technology. It has brought about a lot of evil as it has for good. Just like how a rose flower has its appeal and its appal so is this mobile smart device of a thing and when you add the Internet of 'all' things to that and hand those two to some bunch of modern day couples in love, you'll end up with a lot of broken relationships among other things. 'Cos right now I don't know if I should be upset with the boys or be livid at their toys... This growing trend, like an antidote-lacking disease spreading fast all over the body or like a sea of raging men with chariots racing over a terrain, has to be clipped off its mission of busting cheating partners who try so so so hard to keep the 'extra-curriculars' away from their loving special someone. I know you're like WHAT IS ABURO SAYING AGAIN??? I really am worried myself but I'll be brut with what's happening and the carnage it's causing. And as for the ladies, I am sad for them on the contrary in my short story than I should be happy for women in general. Read the narratives below and keep what you think to your sweet self.

Toks is meant to be a self-proclaimed sharp guy but, as it stands, his tech toys appear to be smarter. They innocuously collaborated with his unsuspecting spouse and together mashed up the union he and her shared.

Toks forgot he had set up his Dropbox months ago to sync files from his smartphone to his desktop whenever the two computers are connected to the house wifi. Eventually, all the kinky pictures he was certain to have deleted from his iPhone's Whatsapp, Whatsapp Media, Camera Roll and Recently Deleted folders successfully of the new sales girl at his office were still live, fresh with date stamps and in full colours all over his Dropbox. It was the same Dropbox on the family desktop. So each day he got back home from work, his wife just sat on the desktop waiting for sizzling pictures of both the girl and screenshots of their conversation he'd sent to Mayo (wedding best man) to sync as he ranted on about how busy the day was.

Honestly, Chuks was a bad guy aka 'sabi-boy' sabi-ing everything bad enough to be coded/encrypted and never be caught - EVER! He just got this new Samsung S6 and thought to release his Samsung Galaxy tab to his girlfriend who just recently got turned down from applying for the same tab...and in the spirit of transparency and goodwill, Chuks left all his apps on the device including Facebook Messenger and Instagram. He should have deleted the apps instead; however, he forgot to sign out completely from the general device settings and not just from the app.

So all the times he was frolicking with them missus, flirting with 'zhe ladies' and reliving recent escapades on his Facebook Messenger at work (while claiming he gets too busy and can't reply his girlfriend's Whatsapp texts at work), they unfortunately fell into the all seeing eyes of his "unlooking" girlfriend. He got the poor placid girl acting like a hormone raging leading restless gnu bull who does nothing but comb through the herds, all day each day, searching for any boisterous rival who might be lurking around to fight or any happy younger male wildebeests mocking about around his priced harem to beat mercilessly. So was Chuks's girl with his mails and messages by simply turning on the notification in the general settings and setting it to show the most lines possible. It became her duty like how kids can stay and watch animations on Netflix forever ...and that was how our sabi-boy got delivered from the spirit of over-sabi.

Kay suffered similar fate with his main main bae. See, this girl has been there right from when he was and looked like a proper refugee fresh from the Mediterranean sea complete with no proof of ID. Anyways, his' was that Google finished him. He left his girl with his iPad which had his Google already signed into. But you all know how this Google thing is, when you sign into your Gmail, you are automatically signed into YouTube, Google Search, Chrome, Drive, Hangout, G+, Map, Scholar, Earth, Store, Play etc. 

Anyways, it started when she tried to check the browser history on Chrome for some site she saw certain web pages containing some info that caught her interest. She discovered that some pages she hadn't visited were listed among the ones she'd browsed and they were under same number of days she'd been with the iPad. These strange pages were those of UK boarder agency...and from the frequency of site visits listed, she could deduce that the 'browsee', i.e. Kay, was trying to bring in an 'ex-partner' of his and their kids. Then she checked his sent history of his Gmail and saw conversations and correspondences referring to a family lawyer..then she went on Google to crosscheck the place and it brought up a result saying it was a family lawyer who rendered immigration services. It also showed an address with a hyperlink to Google Map. When she tapped it, it opened up his Google Map app and she saw the address was under his favourite destination and was even saved offline. Mmm, Kay wasn't a good on-the-spot story conjurer. She hit him with several questions when he got back and it felt like a boxer who forgot to protect himself at all times while cheering the crowd within the bout's time. 

Some old fashioned people say it's very rare to find a lady who cheats on her seemingly loyal spouse. Mmm.. I kind of think I know why that is, it's VERY SIMPLE: ladies prefer hair, nails, beauty and height extensions to gadgets.. Those things are not smart, don't have browser history and neither do they need background syncing or backing up to any cloud for reference purposes or, as it is in those lads' cases, EXHIBITS - no brainer!! Give her a smart device and watch what uncanny fate betides that love bond she holds with her partner.

The other day when Andrew was bored from staying at home after booking too much leave than he needed, he got on his fiancĂ©'s iPhone to help her with a million and one simple updates required. Jagger doing that as she watched Identity Thief by St. McCarthy Melissa, he then went to her phone's Settings - Privacy - Location Services - System Services - Frequent Locations - History. That was where he saw what time and how often she visited a certain address after work everyday for couple of only the man upstairs knows how long. He cross-referenced the address on Google Earth and it was a hotel. It was the same hotel she told him weeks back that she once had an awkward moment in when she attended a make-up testing conference and bumped into her ex who recently visited Naija and chose same place to lodge in. 

O dear, allow me to rest my case there 'cos bottomline is these gadgets seem to be making these lads open more holes than they should be covering. It seems boys aren't keeping up with the times. You can't just be a gadget doting person and just cheat successfully anymore. These gadgets and apps are disconnecting what we claim to hold dear and have a strong connection to.

Croydon, United Kingdom
  • When your smart device disconnects you from your relationship by bursting open your double dealings and other vested interests.

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