Comfort Unearned 2016
6th May, 2016

                COMFORT UNEARNED.

  Looking at my system trying to put words together to explain this feeling I have for you.  My lady, I cannot but tell you how much I miss you my darling. You've earned every bit of respect I have for you. You are my favorite kind of lady. The one most people would go the extra mile to get cause girl you so damn perfect. A day without you my lady would seem like the world is at a cross road for me. You my inspiration, my love, my friend, my heart desires, my jewel of inestimable value and my heart beat. My lady you make every moment with you look like its magic. I can't explain this feeling girl you drive me crazy. Like j cole, I loved you like the bad kid loves breaking shit I loved you like the fake kids loves cake. With you there is no sorrow, with you there is light in every darkness and I'll be damn if I lose you my love. Am still shocked and surprised as to why you left me in the dark all of a sudden. I thought we had it all in the midst of the controversy little did I know you had other plans in my mind. What I failed to understand was that just because you love me doesn’t mean we both understood each other. I failed to understand that although we were in love we both lacked the mutual understanding and knowledge to grow. We lacked the power to transmute our feelings into a solid indestructible pillar of love and understanding since the latter was missing. We both lacked the perfect blend for a spicy relationship. Guess were not both looking out for each other as we thought we did. Shout out to korrynizzy he is my nigga because he tells me everything.  Am a soldier I fight for love, live for love, die for love and I love to be loved. Am a soldier I was born to die. Where am from, we live for the love, we die by the love.  Till I have you back my love I promise to fight till the very last breath I have in me, till i have no form of pretty in me.  Comfort unearned, sorrow my only option. This is my story.

            To be sincere my love you hurt me in the worst way. I could not be the one to hurt you. You took me out and left me in the deep end all alone. I just could not be the one to hurt you. I really thought you were the perfect one. I thought it was worth having hope till the very last. I was a very weak soul and you proved it. I should not have bought you those precious gifts. I should not have shown you to my friends. I should not have kept it 100 with you. My lady what you fail to understand was that you give love but you can never take love. This makes me ask myself what then is true love? If this was not love then what was it? At this stage my lady I must tell you am ready for war. Sound the alarm, ring the bell, let all and sundry gnash their teeth in fear because this war won't end unless I die which am ready for. Am a soldier I fight for love, live for love, die for love and I love to be loved. Am a soldier I was born to die. Where am from we live for the love we die by the love. Till I have you back my love I promise to fight till the very last breath I have in me, till i have no form of pretty in me. Comfort unearned, sorrow my only option. Please don’t make me cry. Am too weak to continue I think I need a break.

Okay, am back. This is the saddest story have ever had to write and I hope it’s going to be the last because I can’t afford to go through this emotional stress once more. All I ever wanted  was to get comfort but I got something worst than it. To be sincere you helped me a lot. You taught me to believe in myself. You gave me a reason to live and hope. You gave me a shoulder to cry on my lady. I have just one question for you why would you call it love when you knew it wasn’t.  why would you pretend all was well when things were already falling apart. I cared so much about you baby more than you ever knew. I remember the day you fell ill right in my arms I really wished I could perform a magic that would heal you. I wished I could just snap my fingers like tarda and you are healed. I don’t need you but I want you. Every time I think all my heart breaks and shrinks. Each time I wake up to find bed my side still empty i feel more sadden. Every passing day I edge closer to been a crazy sadist. Look what you’ve done to me my lady.  I  look aimlessly at the mirror where you do your wonderful make up just to get a glimpse of you telling me you fine and I should patient with you. What if you’ve told me about your other partners things would have been quiet different. I would have suggested maybe we practiced Polyamory. We still be in love and we would both openly share lovers. We might even end up having a cellular family. I would have loved this because I would still have you around me although I tend to wibble, have exclusion jealousy and compersion. We could even sign a condom contract. This would have been better than not seeing your lovely face again my lady. I would call you my primary and your partners would I call melamour. Who knows we might just end up handfasting and solemnizing our union. Although your friends may call you  names like ethical slut and all that I would have still loved you all the same. I was ready to do anything for you. I was ready to be your bed when you wanted to masturbate. I was ready to be your nicotine which you get high on. I was ready to hit on that blunt with you. I was ready to be your dreams and fantasy. I was ready to be your subject like  Anatasia. My lady you deserved all this because you changed my whole live. You deserved all this because you were the only lady in my life.  All this I would have done because of how much I adore and love you my jewel. Shout out to my big bro he is greatly loved and admired. Am a soldier I fight for love, live for love, die for love and I love to be loved. Am a soldier I was born to die. Where am from we live for the love we die by the love.  Till I have you back my love I promise to fight till the very last breath I have in me, till i have no form of pretty in me.  Comfort unearned sorrow my only option. My lady a stream of tears just flowed down my cheeks. Am already loosing it I think I need I a cup of coffee. Am coming.

Am still here just needed a break. When I knew I was already loosing it I went to see a psychiatrist and she asked me how I felt. This what I told her “ I have this crazy feeling. You know that kind of feeling that can only be expressed by a man when he looses his child and he is left to comfort his crying wife. Its not that the husband doesn’t want to cry rather he does not want to look weak and make his wife more weary. So he gathers all his strength and looks strong on the outside while trying to comfort his wife. In the midst of all this he sneaks to the dark corner of his room and cry his soul out. After crying his heart out he still goes around pretending to be happy and well. This was exactly how I felt when I received her call telling me it was over. Please wait how can you girls be so heartless to break up with a guy on phone. Did he ask you out on phone? Did he  This shows how wicked and weak you girls are. Well back to this. I was too sadden with grief and unhappiness that sorrow was my only companion. Sorrow and I became very best of friends. I shared every moment with the beast. They say time was suppose to heal me but my lady every passing time is a torture till I find you my pearl. She never even apologized she just moved on like she had it all planned and detailed from the on set. A very inquisitive psychiatrist asked you are a soldier? Why then do you look so cold hearted she asked. My lady even the greatest soldier heart falls apart when in love. He feels the pressure and ends up giving up. When she saw how traumitised I was she told me to go out more, meet new people and move on with my life. I did this for about two years and half still no results between this I was still visiting the psychiatrist and close pals for advise. Even bimbo went to the extent of hooking me up with one of her friends. Everything was worth me trying. Even with all this  I still could not move on. What is that hard you may ask. Yes it was. People thought all was well with me but no deep down was this bottomless pit of sorrow have been trying to fill. I hope am not sounding gaudy.

         The next day he was buried close to his grandfather's tomb. When the autopsy result came out it was discovered that he died from a rare sickness which if not treated urgently once it occurs can kill. The only solution that could have

saved him was if he got back is precious Eve but she was long gone. This sickness is called Comfort Unearned, Sorrow his only

joy. He died of comfort unearned,sorrow his

only joy. He died a sad man. He died as a broken hearted soldier who fought so hard. He lived for love.

Osun, Nigeria
  • A broken hearted soldier.

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