"stop it Laura... I only came over here to clear my head and not to listen to another round of your infamous counsellings" i fired back at my friend Laura who had suddenly turned into a psychologist while i became the troubled patient. I needed solace, comfort, peace and quiet..a friend to let me know everything was going to be fine... It was going to get better. With these in mind Itried hard to fight back the tears,I wasn't going to lose to them. "it still baffles me what you are doing with that...that..man you call a husband" Laura blurted out angrily once again as she continued massaging my swollen face with ice. "you won't understand" i managed to murmur... "of course i won't understand... I'll only understand when I'm dropping flowers at your graveside" she hissed and walked straight to the kitchen to return the ice. "what has my life turned into?" was the only question sounding repeatedly inside my head. Laura isn't married yet she is happy... happier than i am even with my three kids and the man i tagged "husband". What sins am i paying for? I tried asking myself again,haven't i endured enough? Will all these end anytime soon? I could feel the salty taste on my lips. At last! They've won yet again... Why was i trying to fight an already lost battle. I had no choice than to let the tears flow freely not like i could stop them if i tried though i tried wiping them off as soon as i saw Laura approaching but it was too late... She knew i was crying again.
"come on dear.. Tears won't solve anything, not now, not then, not ever " she told me as she sat down and wiped my tears away with her cold hands. "i know... But what else can i do? Leave him? What about the kids? Let them suffer along with me? Freely let them walk into harsh conditions with me? Tell me psychologist... No words of advice anymore? Mouth gone numb?" i threw these questions at Laura. I didn't know where this new energy was coming from but i knew i needed it to clear my head. I stood up and headed towards the door since Laura was suddenly tongue-tied. I was barely inches away from the door when she suddenly spoke. "wait...I'm sorry i don't have answers to everything but i know I'm going to help my friend in whatever way i can.. You could move in here with the kids...you know my home is enough to accommodate.... " i quickly cut her off "Laura... What will people say? How will the society re... " she cut me short abruptly before i could make a complete sentence... "society? People? Does society weep with you? Receive slaps with you? Caring about a society that won't even show up at your funeral should the worse happen... Tell me what society has done ever since your troubles started? With all the meetings your parents held... What else has changed? Why are you still doing this to yourself Jenny... You're no longer the young vibrant woman who couldn't stand oppression from anyone" Laura walked closer to me and God knows i was scared hearing her speak so sternly to me... "the best you can give to your kids is a place where they no longer have to watch the abuse meted on their mother..no, they won't walk into harsh conditions but safer conditions because their great mum has chosen to embrace freedom, chosen to follow her heart and not what society dictates for her... I could go on and on but dear Jenny, you alone stand between your freedom and happiness.. I'll only stand behind whatever you decide".
Now i was the one whose mouth suddenly went numb. I could only gaze at Laura as her words sunk deeply inside my soul. I suddenly had flashbacks of when Deji and i newly started dating, little signs i saw but ignored, our wedding, and the first few good years we had before my nightmare started. Walking away was going to be hard but i was tired and done holding on to memories while in reality i was dying slowly. Like Laura rightly said, i am going to choose freedom...i will dictate my own life and nothing was going to make me cave in to Deji anymore.