True love had found her, Toke thought. Her heart was full as she looked into his eyes. She knew then that happiness had a face and it was him. She remembered that joyful look on her mother’s face as she bid her goodbye to her new home. She smiled and wondered if life could get any better.
* * * * *
Tears trickled down her face as she reminisced on the love, she thought, once was. She closed her eyes and tried… she really tried to remember the good times but all she could see through her mind’s eye was the hurt, shame and continual pain. She tried so hard to forget but she could remember the first time like it was yesterday.
She remembered the shoes on the floor, the anger in his eyes, the fear that gripped her, she remembered the way he shoved her to the wall, then punched the wall. It was the first sign. She had hoped that it was just a huge mistake and that somehow, he would return to the man she fell in love with but that was just wishful thinking.
She remembered the first time he slapped her, threw her on the bed, removed his belt, she looked in his eyes and saw nothing of the man she knew, she stared as he shoved his penis into her and continually thrust in with no care of the tears that ran down her face. She turned her face in hope that she wouldn’t have to see it happen, but with each thrust, it became really clear, she had married a monster.
Sex became a dreaded experience, no longer did he try to touch her, and she noticed that he got his kicks from springing up on her and forcing himself into her; like inserting metal rods into her vagina. She couldn’t leave him, who would believe that he did such things, who would believe her if she said that her husband anally raped her, after all, they were married, there is no such thing between married couples.
She wished that she could separate her mind from her body but worse than the physical pain was the shame and fear that kept her hostage, she sometimes felt that it was her fault, maybe she wasn’t a good enough wife, isn’t it the responsibility of a woman to keep her home and submit to her husband? Mother says, ‘at least, he doesn’t cheat. You are the woman, you have to be patient’. How come no one ever considers her pain? How come the success of her marriage rest solely on her shoulders? How long would this go on? How can she bring this child into this?