9th July, 2016

Life is like an ocean, each of us on our separate boats, sometimes, we let our anchors down and converse,  but soon enough, the wave would come and we’ll both feel the need to move because all the other boats would seem to be far ahead of us. We build friendships when it’s convenient, then, when the waves of life hits, we quickly set sail, forgetting all we’ve left behind because it is much better to forget and pretend that our hearts never met, than face the reality that our desires would end up being the death of us. Hold back the river, would you? Hold it until I can once again caress the sharp edges of your jaw, hold back, and let me tell you of law jokes and the scarecrow. Please, don’t drift away on this plank of wood; you’ve mistaken to be your savior. 

Doves fly above as I gaze at the sky, life has come and is on its way out; memories like rockets come crashing down. Your smile, the way you laughed, coming down those dilapidated school stairs as I tell you about how I totally embarrassed myself at the picnic, yes that smile, I see your face like you are right in front of me. Time has passed, I for one would have never thought that you would become nothing but a memory stored up, somewhere in my little gray cells. Yes, I remember the rain that Thursday evening as I watched you from afar, with your shoulders sludged like an old lady. I bet they would look like that now; you should have listened to your mother. I wonder where he is now. That face, beautiful, though I wonder if it was worth it, you got him, maybe you could tell me. Young and stupid, how could I have even thought it was love, he was perfection of course, but not mine. I hope your love blossomed, I hope he was all you dreamed *smiles*, all we dreamed and more.

I wish I could tell you where my boat led, were I stopped and were I finally realized that it wasn’t a race with the world and that I couldn’t keep travelling to a nonexistent destination. I wish I could tell you of Paris, of the French artist I met at a gala, I wish I could tell you of the nights I spent dancing under the full moon, much more, I wish I could tell you of the hate I felt when he choose you, the darkness in my heart, how I wished you death and sorrow, how I went round the world “living life” so you would be envious of all my journeys and the shots I got to see, I wish I could tell you of Sam, his beautiful heart, the way he saw right through my charade, I wish I could tell you about how I ran away that night after the symposium and never looked back because I couldn’t trust that his love for me was true, I wish I could tell you of Diane, nneka and hauwa; my babies, I wish I could tell you of how they taught me to let go and love again. I wish I could tell you that Sam waited for me, standing close to the lake , I wish I could tell you that when I got back, he hadn’t moved on, I wish you were here so I would tell you that I never lived life until I stopped sailing and found my destination---here! I wish I could tell you of how sorry I am that I threw all we had for nothing, it turns out.

Dear friend, I pray you hear me from heaven’s gate for life decided to throw you off your boat just before I got my chance to live.I  spent my life looking at the your boat as it went further and further away from my vision only to find that it was my own boat that drifted away.  

Benue, Nigeria
  • Looking back.

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